RESOLUSI KONFLIK DAN AIKIDO

3 orang profesional kesehatan mental dan aku baru-baru ini menawarkan 2 hari lokakarya bagi perempuan dalam manajemen kemarahan. Pada awal hari, para perempuan pertanyaan `s menetapkan agenda, memberikan indikasi yang jelas di mana mereka berada dan ke mana mereka kita untuk pergi, bagaimana saya bisa mengontrol anak-anakku? Apa yang harus saya lakukan dengan kemarahan di lain? Mana kemarahan saya berasal? Bagaimana saya bisa mengontrol kemarahan? Apa alternatif yang efektif untuk kekerasan?

Seperti yang saya anggap maksud kami dalam lokakarya dan para peserta `keinginan, aku terpana oleh kebutuhan untuk alternatif baru bagi penyelesaian konflik. Hal ini telah menjadi jelas bagi saya bahwa alternatif ini dapat menjadi apa yang disebut "aikido alternatif"

Yang berikut penyulingan di sini adalah bahwa alternatif seperti yang telah saya datang untuk memahaminya baik aikidoist dan sebagai profesional kesehatan mental yang bekerja dengan orang-orang bergumul dengan kemarahan dan kekerasan dalam kehidupan sehari-hari mereka.

Dalam sejarah pribadi kita, kita semua belajar strategi khusus respons yang kita kembali pada masa konflik. 3 strategi umum

1. Fight - penerbangan-freeze

2. Gangguan-defleksi-redirection

3. The aikido alternatif

Setelah mengakui bahwa ini adalah alternatif, kita dapat mempelajari mereka, menilai efektivitas mereka, dan memutuskan bagi diri kita sendiri yang paling berguna dalam hidup kita.

FIGHT - PENERBANGAN - Freeze

Menurut teori dibuat populer pada pertengahan 70 `s tanggapan fisiologis dalam diri kita diawali sebagai respon terhadap bahaya yang akan datang, dan kita kemudian bertindak (atau gagal untuk bertindak) dengan melawan, kabur, atau pembekuan sebagai situasi mendikte - bereaksi terhadap kita sendiri kekacauan batin sebagai situasi meningkat.

Pada akhirnya, strategi ini mungkin tidak memuaskan, karena harga diri mungkin rusak. Juga, konflik adalah menunda, tidak diselesaikan, dan orang terjebak dalam masalah, tidak mampu bergerak dalam cara yang memuaskan.

Penyelesaian konflik memerlukan pendekatan yang berpusat mengalir - suatu pendekatan yang memungkinkan kita untuk bergerak dalam hubungan satu sama lain. Para stuckness pertarungan - penerbangan-strategi membekukan bekerja melawan resolusi.

Selingan - defleksi - Redirection

Mereka yang mengikuti strategi ini berusaha untuk membelokkan atau mengalihkan konflik dengan pengenalan masalah yang tidak relevan yang membayangi dan mendistorsi konflik asli.

Meskipun upaya-upaya tersebut mungkin pada awalnya tampak bekerja, bantuan ini hanya sesaat. Akibatnya, deflektor berusaha untuk mengabaikan masalah - untuk menyangkal bahwa itu ada. "Mungkin itu akan hilang atau mengurus dirinya sendiri" tampaknya deflektor katakan.

Sikap ini membuat resolusi konflik yang efektif sulit atau tidak mungkin. Perasaan atau berurusan dengan Distracter adalah salah satu pusing. Sejak penggunaan strategi keseimbangan lawan, ia juga cenderung untuk menempatkan mereka berjaga-jaga, sehingga memunculkan sebuah respons defensif. Kedua belah pihak dalam konflik ini disimpan dalam sebuah pernah melebar, memusingkan lingkaran putus asa. Tingkat kemarahan di kedua terus meningkat, dan hasilnya tidak lebih memuaskan daripada perkelahian - penerbangan - strategi membeku. Tidak ada yang diselesaikan.

Resolusi konflik yang sukses, orang harus dapat berubah secara spontan dan beradaptasi secara spontan situasi mereka. Dalam kasus Distracter, ketidakrelevanan mencegah spontanitas

AIKIDO ALTERNATIF

Ketika orang mengikuti aikido alternatif, mereka tidak bertemu kekerasan dengan kekerasan atau melarikan diri. Kemarahan dan konflik yang tidak dibelokkan atau ditolak. Sebaliknya mereka dijinakkan dengan membiarkan mereka menjalankan pilihan mereka jalan dengan bergabung nad campuran, orang yang mengadopsi strategi ini akhirnya defuses mereka dengan imobilisasi.

Di sini individu dalam konflik mengakui bahwa dasar kondisi kami yang sama bagi kita semua - bahwa kita tidak sangat berbeda dari satu sama lain. Menyadari hal ini, kita dapat berbaur dan bergabung dengan operasi mimesis, mulai perjalanan ke resolusi, harmoni, dan kedamaian. Sebagai serangan uke `s pikir dipandu Nage` s perpanjangan energi fisik dan mental, bermusuhan konfrontasi dan konflik dapat didisipasi berpikir empatheic keterampilan mendengarkan, refleksi, pertanyaan, uraian dan penjelasan.

Aikido alternatif yang dimulai pada diri, bukan lain. Untuk memulai, kita harus mengakui kepemilikan perasaan kita dan mengambil tanggung jawab atas perilaku kita. Kita harus mengembangkan kuat, tenang pusat.

Aikido mengadopsi alternatif, kita mengambil non - mengancam postur, memelihara yang mengundang ma-ai yang tidak membangkitkan pengertian, dan tetap peduli untuk kesejahteraan semua orang yang terlibat. Aikido alternatif yang karenanya merupakan perwujudan cinta. Akibatnya, kita mengikuti saran dari o sensei `s doka

Untuk kepentingan jalan


Melengkung Bawalah musuh

Pengertian mereka dengan memanfaatkan

Kata-kata dorongan dan instruksi

Didasarkan pada teknik-teknik cinta

Menerima aikido alternatif, kita dapat melanjutkan lawan kita `energi kepada kesimpulan logis. Antagonis tidak hanya diperbolehkan, tetapi didorong untuk melampiaskan energi. Para parutan kemarahan antagonis, semakin besar kebutuhan protagonis untuk berbaur dan bergabung. Tetapi semakin besar kemarahan antagonis, semakin cepat pencampuran dapat membawa konflik yang damai, harmonis resolusi.

Di tengah tanda dalam manajemen kemarahan kita lokakarya, para peserta bertanya bagaimana presenter itu memenuhi harapan. Ada yang marah dan frustrasi. Setelah datang berharap jawaban cepat, mereka menemukan bahwa mereka sedang diperkenalkan kepada suatu proses. Sebagai presenter, kami menggunakan kesempatan memberi mereka model alternatif aikido. Pertama, kami mendorong mereka untuk menggambarkan dan melampiaskan frustrasi. Lalu kami mendesak mereka untuk merangkul proses - bukan sebagai tujuan tetapi sebagai suatu perjalanan. Didengarkan, kemarahan itu dijinakkan. Harmoni adalah membangun kembali, dan kami akhirnya mencapai titik di mana semua orang merasa bahwa mereka telah diperoleh dari pengalaman.

aikido too

USING AIKIDO TO DEVELOP SKILL IN CONFLICT RESOLUTION

“ he extended his arms to me. As I reached to grab them with a hard tight, viselike grip, I was immediately disoriented. It was as if I had grabbed 2 active firehoses. There was no tension or rigidity. I had expected the feeling of grabbing o stiff piece of pipe. yet when I squeezed his arms, they felt as full and powerful as if rivers were flowing through them. As I begin to tighten end puff up my muscle and power my way over him , a second shock hit me. I pushed and strained and grimaced to no avail. It felt as absurd as pushing a mountain. Embarrassed, I slacked up from my toil to see the sensei smiling happily at me. Nothing was going o. no sweat, no struggle, no strain. Then, although there was no change in his expression or show of force, I found my falling over backward. My immediate thought was, no way. I wasn`t really trying. He took me by surprise. Next time I grabbed tighter and pushed harder. More struggle, more strain.

Again I found myself on my back, staring up at the light. But I dazzled by another light, the one that had just been turned on inside my mind. During all those years, I had thought I knew what strength and power were all about, and here I was being thrown around like a child. I began to empty my full cup of knowledge. The contents were no longer appetizing in comparison to what I had just tasted. Could it be possible to live peacefully and happy and be strong? And all of this without the strain and struggle?”

Experience of kokyu dosa

Conflict surrounds us. It is natural as sunrise and sunset, yet many us react to its presence with aggression, denial, or resistance – the knee jerk response that we learned watching our parents by watching our buddies in school yard, or even by watching rambo and john wayne movie.

None of these response works. Have u ever truly solved problem by yelling at someone? ( think of the last time u got frustrated with u r spouse over the monthly credit card statement) does it ever work when teenagers and their parents sick to their positions on the use of the family car rather than discussing each other`s need? Yet, we repeat our knee – jerk responses or aggression , denial , and resistance day after day.

Over the past 12 years, aiki works has presented program in conflict resolution – workshop that help people to deal with their dysfunctional method of addressing problem. We at aiki works incorporate aikido into these program because aikido help people to examine and change their ways of the with stress and conflict.

Basic of conflict resolution

People often react to conflict with aggression , denial, or resistance because they view conflict as negative, but conflict is simple a natural consequence of our living in an increasingly complex, high pressure, fast paced society. It`s what we do with conflict as it happens , how we responde to it, that may be negative.

It`s easy to thinks of negative response to conflict , fist fight, massacres verbal retorts. On the other hand, while they might not spring to mind as readily , there are also many positive response, such as women `s peace movement in Jakarta or community garden at the site of a riot.

In these response positive , the adversarial and competitive aspect of conflict is missing, there is no win and no loser. When we don`t view conflict as a win /lose contest, we can sometimes create win/win solution.

Such solution require 3 basic conditions, acknowledgment, acceptance, and adaptability. Parties to conflict must acknowledge its existence, accept their involvement, and be willing to adapt to news idea.

Aikido `s potential contribution to conflict resolution

Whenever aikidoka get on the mat, we are reminded that resistance, tension, and aggression are not the most powerful or effective responses to conflict. Aikido is about acknowledging, accepting, and working with an uke`s energy, being willing to adapt and change as necessary. So aikido provide us with a way to reveal and experience the “ 3 A of conflict resolution.

For this reason , our workshops always begin with an aikido demonstration. The demonstration `s display of harmony and control helps an audience to visualize how they might handle the conflict that they face as parents, spouses, or team members. When we show people how to resolve conflict , rather simply lecturing about it , more get message.

Of course, when we present aikido demos in corporate program , people can`t quite believe what they see. “ it seem so effortless” a participant might say . “ r u really doing something? Or just the other guy just letting you throw him?

In view of this skepticism, the power of aikido as a tool for teaching conflict resolution increase when the program participants themselves get on the mat, we ask 4 someone to come up from the audience the power of a nikkyo , the volunteer affirmation of the power of the seemingly effortless technique seem to intrigue the other.

We also have everyone try certain partners practice , including some on maintaining centeredness or one –points.

The value of one point

The seminar on conflict resolution , one expects to find discussions of communication techniques an conflict resolution strategies. But the usefulness of these techniques and strategies is limited for those who have not learned certain lessons about mind/body connection. When faced with conflict , it`s much more likely that people who are centered, calm, and relaxed will put their training in communication to use than those who are uncentered, tense and agitated.

Aikido `s techniques of going to one point, or centering, provides a simple way to introduce people to the optimal mind/body state for conflict resolution – state of relaxed, focused awareness. We all experience this state sometimes - during a peak performance , when at a wedding , when giving birth, or when graduating from scholl. What aikido helps us to see is that being centered can be our choice everyday, every moment. The challenge is to choose this state and to maintain it , when we are under stress. If we do, we are better able to handle conflict.

The use of basic aikido movements

Learning some of aikido `s movement helps people absorb principle of conflict resolution at physical. Bodily level. Once people have absorbed the principles in this way, they can apply them to nonphysical situations. For instance, after colleague introduced the principles on psisical level to management and labor of west papua gold mines, he saw an increase in their willingness to consider new ways of working together.

Aikido is rich in movement that can be used for this purpose. Consider, for example, a simple shoulder grab. in our workshops participant work with partners on this simple move, imagining the grab to be nonphysical attack, such us a caustic retort from a child or fellow worker. They notice their internal responses as they are grabbed.( some begin to breath more rapidly, while other hold breath , many tense up and focus on the attacking hand , thereby destabilizing themselves and opening themselves to secondary attacks) . next participant play with the alternative of stepping aside while drawing their shoulder just out of the attacker `s reach . in this way , they receive immediately physiological and mental feedback they see that by stepping off line of an attack, they can dissipate tension, maintain balance and unbalance their partners.

In such exercises, program participant learn to distinguish running away from stepping aside with awareness. So at simple level, the exercise allow them to experience the power of acknowledge

Closing thought

Aikido whets people`s appetites to experiment with new ways of handling their problem. Once they have discovered that they can be powerful and nurturing at the same time, they want to learn , to train. Some of our workshops participant chose to study aikido. Some pursue other disciplines such t`ai chi some begin to meditate, giving themselves daily training in centering. Whatever their choice , they walk away from the program with a greatly increased awareness of their option for handling conflict.

Similar opportunities for increased awareness are available to every practicing aikidoka. Every practicing aikidoka. Every practice provide us with the opportunity to develop skill in conflict resolution . every techniques on the mat provides a chance to develop one point and to explore a metaphor for personal issue. We need only remain challenged and aware in our practice on the mat to develop our ability to deal with stress and conflict off the matt.

Still as the old adage says, we rarely appreciate what is in our own backyard . for aikidoka , the tool for enchancing our ability to manage stress . fostering personal growth and improving our ability to build relationship are there on the mat in our daily practice, the gift is simply there for the taking . but how many of fully appreciate this aspect of our practice?